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You are commenting using your Google account. You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account.

Notify me of new comments via email. Notify me of new posts via email. So I must have known prior to it, Even right before that moment, But what was the actual feeling?

Liking girls: There was a difference between liking a 4 year old girl, And desiring platonic friendship with a 4 year old girl. I know: I wanted those specific girls to enjoy being near me, Similar to adult couples enjoying a date.

I never cared what 4 year old boys thought about me, Only mattered when I was told I needed to choose one. I feel like I should be a part of it, but I'm not.

I'm on the outside looking in. My girlfriends have tried their best to educate me. The queer world is different. Queer people are different.

There are two kinds: those who want to assimilate into hetero-normative culture and those who don't. I can assimilate because I was part of it but I prefer not to.

My girlfriends and our other queer friends don't either. Costine adds another dimension to this difficulty fitting in: "It has been hard for me at times to find a cohesive lesbian community.

Since I came out after getting sober, I don't go to bars or drinking parties. It has been harder to create a group of lesbian friends without the initial party opportunity to help me meet other women.

The lesbian community can have a hard time creating community when a bar is not involved. My hope is that will continue to change and we find ways to connect to our special community without it involving a bar or a drinking-oriented party.

They are not always out in the workplace, and often need to watch their behavior when they are outside their homes.

While Lisa D. Another woman a co-worker told me she didn't understand homosexuality but she was fine with it as long as I didn't 'try anything' with her.

Also, there are many places and environments that I would not go to--or situations that I would not put myself in--for fear of something bad happening.

So, there is always a kind of quiet 'editing' that occurs as I live my life. Andrea says, "The saddest thing is how I have to be careful expressing affection for my partner in public in ways that I did not have to worry about when I was with a man.

I never thought twice about holding hands or being affectionate appropriately so with a man when I identified as straight. Now when I'm out anywhere with my partner, I always have to think, is this a safe place to hold hands?

Can I call her honey in this store without getting any looks? I'm hopeful that this will change in my lifetime, but I just don't know.

Where one lives can make a difference. For Kat, living in San Francisco, "I feel pretty safe being myself overall. I can walk down any street holding my partner's hand without worry.

But when we travel, I often inquire ahead of time how lesbians are viewed where I am going. When I traveled alone to Thailand and Tanzania, I avoided relationship conversations.

I am still very guarded with my clients in disclosing anything about my personal life. So I am not percent confident talking about being a lesbian with just anyone.

I guess, in a way, that's probably smart. Costine agrees: "I live in a very open city, Los Angeles, which is, in many ways, inclusive and progressive.

Still, there are areas all over LA that are less accepting. When I venture outside of the inner city into the Valley or into more white, straight family neighborhoods, I am struck and sometimes even amused by the strange stares I get when I hold my girlfriend's hand.

By the way, the stares are almost always given by women. Laila chose to leave her church when the pastor equated being gay with being an addict.

She's found it difficult to reconcile her faith with her sexuality. In addition, she works for a conservative older woman with ties to her old church, so hides her true self from her as well for fear of losing her job.

I eagerly anticipate that day. She also has to be careful when she is outside her home: "I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, so the amount of prejudice I've faced has been very little compared to stories I've heard.

Still, we get looks, stares, glares, whispers at the next table. Heads turn when we walk by. I get scared around anybody seemingly strongly religious.

One of the most amazing moments was when my girlfriend and I were out of town and I told her how I'd researched the area we were in and that they were very queer-friendly.

She reached over and held my hand as we walked. She held my hand! That still brings tears of joy to my eyes. As Andrea says, "I think it's odd when people assume one of us is 'the man' in the relationship; neither of us is 'the man!

They are shortcuts that give us permission to stop thinking and respond to a set of assumptions about the label instead of the person before us.

I am a growing soul who has a physical body at this time. That's the only description I apply to me. Kat says she got caught up in those false labels when she first came out: "I could not relate to lesbians because the ones I met were rather 'butch' in demeanor and appearance but then I started meeting more feminine lesbians called 'femmes' in the lesbian community and thought, ok, so you can be a lesbian and still be feminine.

I know I am not ultra feminine but I also did not see myself as this tough masculine person. I know for a fact that my more feminine lesbian friends have a tougher time being accepted in the lesbian community; it's pretty catty.

To this day, I really dislike labels and really get offended when I am called a butch. Pat agrees, "Don't assume we all fit into some neat little lesbian box of butch or femme and don't assume we all hate men -- our sons, and many of our best friends, are men.

At least, I like to think so. Amy brings up another commonly held assumption: "One misconception is if you have any tomboyish characteristic, that you are gay or a poster child for being a lesbian.

That the only lesbians are the women who look butch. Carren explains: "The way others respond to me has nothing to do with me or who I am, but has to do with where they are on their journeys.

One friend stopped talking to me for several months when I told her about myself. Then she confessed that my announcement made her very uncomfortable, asking, 'What would happen if one day I wake up and discover that I am a lesbian too?

You don't look or dress like them so you can't be one! Andrea agrees, "What I wish that everyone would understand about coming out as a late life lesbian is that I'm still the same person I was before; I'm just happy and more comfortable with myself now.

I simply want to be treated the same as everyone else. Laila gives this advice: "We don't ask you to treat us as if we're like you.

We just ask that you respect us for who we are: different, but still human. I'm not the same person I was before I came out. Straight me has little in common with lesbian me.

I like this me better. A criminal investigation has been launched, and we will await the result. About the Author: Administrator :.

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